May 2013
8 posts
hi i miss you
:(.
p.s. while you were in the shower last night, i wrote on a piece of paper and stuck it on the tray under your desk (it looks like it’d pull out or s/t idk you’ll find it)
i was going to do more, like you did, but then you got out of the shower. oops.
it is a quarter past ten in the morning and i am sitting in grand central station flitting between feeling empty and feeling like i want to cry. more of the former.
it’ll only be three weeks until i see you again. and i’m going to get to see you for literally three times as long as i did this trip. but i still just feel… empty. something’s missing. you’re missing....
so you’re in the shower right now and i’m going to take the opportunity to write this now.
god i love you so much. i love you so so fucking much and i’m so overwhelmed with joy that i’m getting to see you again and that this is real and dfljhasdflkjh. it just makes me so happy robert. you make me so happy and you’re so wonderful and adorable, constantly making sure that everything’s okay (which...
APs are just disrupting normal. they’re taking me away from homeostasis ~
They’re putting me in a weird mood and make my daily routine weird and that just makes the mood weirder.
Like just now. I’d probably still be talking to you and have 30 more minutes of talking to you if you didn’t have to be on the bus sigh I’m so ridiculously clingy.
I’m not in a mood now though. I promise.
I...
Nothing is wrong. I promise. I’m just getting really clingy, that’s all.
he doesn’t treat me like shit you condescending cunt.
April 2013
23 posts
12:00AM.
I miss you.
Even though we had the huge blowout earlier, I still really fucking miss you. Maybe I don’t miss the you from about 9:00PM onwards, but I do miss you before that.
I miss talking to you and being cute and talking about may and making out in the elevators. I miss acting like we’re 5 and bringing Latisha into things. I miss you trying to console me and listening...
i mean it’s also a quarter past two over there so. i shouldn’t expect to hear back tonight. merp.
i just hope everything’s okay
hi i miss you. a lot. and as much as i hope you’re having fun and things are better, i wish i was part of it. but shit happens and i know that.
love you mr robert.
Mr. Robert. Merp.
I know you’re extremely tired and that the busyness of the past week has really been stressful, if not mentally then physically (which contributes to the tiredness). So I don’t blame you for being meh and moody. Just stay positive and remember that after Saturday things calm way down. More than they were before this week, because you don’t have to worry about...
i’m sorry i can’t always have fucking everything together okay? i do my fucking best and apparently that’s not good enough anymore.
Merp. I don’t want to dwell on this but I really am bummed about Aruba. For multiple reasons.
Firstly I’ve never been out of the country let alone someplace like Aruba. It still boggles my mind that you go there every year. It’s so gorgeous and jskeoskaj
Secondly I was looking forward to all the things we were going to do. I was looking forward to the exploring and the...
i definitely felt like you were disappointed in need tonight
i mean it didn’t change the tone of our conversation and we still ended on good terms but meh
merp was that really necessary
why you gotta rain on my parade with your bitterness
:))))) things seem to be good right now. Here’s to hoping they stay that way
this is the song i told you about last night.
...
Sometimes I just need to be reassured too…. That’s all. I can be strong a lot but not all the time. I have moments of weakness and I’m insecure and needy and worrisome too.
Telling me to be careful when I ask if you promise… ouch. I know what you meant, it’s just not what I needed.
I’m going to cry. Why cant anything ever just WORK? Why do people have to be so strict and demanding for no reason? Why the fuck is it a crime to fall asleep on Skype with your boyfriend?
:(
3 tags
robertales:
Once upon a time my hot as fuck boyfriend and I spent 2+ hours talking about sex and what we would do to eachother and then we had a fabulous jerk off session and oofjdkodkaod how lucky am I ? Even thinking about it gets me hard again #oops
once upon a time my equal-as-hot-if-not-hotter boyfriend and I spent not only 2+ hours earlier today but probably a good 30 minutes last...
Between last night, this morning and THAT I definitely think the clouds are clearing. :)
I knew they would.
Muah. I love you.
fuck you. i am not going to play games.
sigh. i hope. i hope i hope i really fucking hope.
Merp.
So I have the best boyfriend on the planet. And that’s not an exaggeration.
Robert is honestly the most kind, caring, thoughtful, determined, hard working, motivated, generous, giving, genuine, deserving, gorgeous, beautiful, sincere, and just overall fucking wonderful and perfect.
And he’s a catch. He is such a fucking catch, oh my goodness. Wow. He always makes me feel great about myself in...
i just don’t understand why everything i ever say is taken the wrong way
This will be the first time in a while that I don’t wake up to your voice, aside from Minitown.
And as much as I don’t like it, I hope it helps.
I love you.
robertales:
I kind of want to cry. I don’t know why there’s a rain cloud over me. Because everything is fine. But for some reason I’m incredibly confused and sad. The feelings I felt 24 hours ago aren’t with me now and I hate that because it feels so wonderful to be melting, it feels wonderful to be praised by someone who loves you. But right now I can’t grasp what the fuck is going on with me....
clingy and overprotective and jealous and mreh
please lord let this help
please please please
March 2013
34 posts
my best friend has made me feel bad about myself two days in a row.
so when she got rejected to her dream school, even though i also got rejected there, i told her i got in.
i don’t feel bad about it one bit.
so on one hand i’m sad that my boyfriend is going on a trip for 4 days because i don’t get to talk to him as much (and i’m kind of jealous he gets to actually visit a bunch of colleges to see how he feels about them since i won’t see any school until after it’s already time to have an enrollment deposit in)
and that’s gonna suck
on the other hand i’m...
well.
i really thought i would get into duke.
northwestern maybe not, but definitely duke.
oh well. i’m just taking this as more of a sign that i was meant to be in the northeast. that’s where i belong.
i fucking hate this and i genuinely feel worthless and pathetic.
maybe not quite worthless but something along that vein. definitely pathetic though.
it’s not because of you which is why i’m not saying anything
worry worry worry bother bother anxiety
fuck me now i’m worried WHAT HAPPENED
this blog originally just started as a way for me to post shit without people asking me what’s wrong.
and then it turned into more of an outlet for things regarding you. not necessarily bad things, but things nonetheless.
and i think i’m going to try to go back to more of the first one, but you’ll know what’s wrong because i promised i would tell you upfront and i will....
p.s.
everything will be positive and normal
and i’ll do my best not to make you paranoid
just promise me that when i do get in a mood that you’ll try not to be paranoid
we promised each other we would be up front from here on out if something bothered us, no matter what. so if you have something to do with it, you’ll know.
hi.
dunno when you’ll read this but oh well.
so i’m going to try to make this the last time i bring it up because i want to do my best to put it behind me and just acknowledge the faults and learn from them.
i fucked up today. big time. hooooly shit. i still shiver thinking about how bad that was. and you can tell me whatever you want as much as you want but it’s not gonna...
One more point
You said to me “You’re not my issue. Robert is my issue”
And that irritates the royal piss outta me. The fact that you are calling your own son, your son who is constantly worried about you blaming things on him and who has so many esteem issues that he shouldn’t have (which probably all stem from you)… you’re calling him your...
robert, i’m sorry.
you are about to probably see me at the nastiest i can get. and i am going to say some nasty things about your mother. and i apologize for that
but literally it is a miracle i did not scream the second i got off the phone with her and it is a miracle that after storming around outside for 20 minutes and throwing rocks and kicking things that i still am not screaming.
...
I AM SO FUCKING LIVID RIGHT NOW.
:l
i’m worried about you.
and now i want to cry.
not so much because i don’t get to talk to you but because i am worried about you and i need closures to conversations (which is why i don’t like it when you doze) and just dfdskfajhsdkfhsdkhj fuck me
I feel so much better now.
it’s 4:39am.
i have the weirdest sleep schedule on the planet.
maybe that’s why i overthink things. even the little things.
oh well.
So I’m just going to post this on here
I was actually really really excited to surprise you with a happy two month thing aaaand you beat me to it and I knew you were going to. Oops.
I know that to you the whole “omq two months!!1!111!” doesn’t mean a whole lot. Well, maybe that’s the wrong wording but I know how you feel about it. It’s tacky and basic and all of that. So I’m not going...
PS
I didn’t know you had read the last post. You never mentioned it.
Okay.
I am so fucking pathetic. I am sitting in my closet sobbing over the fact that I can’t wake you up to talk/say goodnight/etc. And that’s so fucking selfish and I know it but right now I don’t care.
I am too fucking attached. Particularly to this makeshift routine we’ve come up with to balance the distance out. Take that away and what do you have?
This is what I was...
Hmmm. I’m not sure what was going on this morning. I think I was just pissy because I didn’t get to talk to you quite as much as I had wanted. But that’s not your fault, it’s mine for falling asleep. That’s why I was kinda pisses last night too, because I fell asleep and I only woke up because Hayli called me. And again that isn’t your fault.
It really just...
